The Delicate Art of Compromise
Compromise. It is the cornerstone of legal settlements. It is the foundation of civility. Yet it is not without its attendant difficulties.
The most common meaning ascribed to compromise is an agreement or settlement of a dispute reached by both sides by making concessions. Implicit in this definition is the caveat that the concessions made are mutual and acceptable to both parties.
A benefit of this is that the dispute is resolved allowing both parties to move beyond the conflict with a restored sense of trust and mutual respect. From a societal point of view, this aspect is essential to maintaining domestic tranquility. When it is not accomplished it can lead communities to become polarized and feel threatened. We need only look at present day complexities in the middle east to see the cumulative results over centuries of unresolved conflict.
On this side of the continuum we witness the dark side of compromise, and the secondary dictionary definitions that exist in our lexicon. When mutual satisfaction is not reached compromise occurs as negative result – accepting standards that are lower than desirable and result in a weakening or harm to the community. When the negative results become the standard the growing upset can lead to war. And that possibility is inherent within the commonly accepted meaning of the word compromise, itself.
This does not mean we should abandon compromise, only that we recognize the dark side, and take proactive steps to avoid negative results.
Divorce is perhaps one of the most challenging arenas in which society has a vested interest to reach settlements that truly resolve the conflicts. In order for this to happen so much depends upon the individual qualities of each party. Those individual qualities reflect countless generations of family attributes, from different families with usually radically different histories. When trying to predict the possibility of successful compromise in divorce the individual parties are the most significant predictor of how well things may turn out.
A close second is the qualities of the professionals that the parties hire to represent them in this difficult process. This is where the professional practice area of collaborative family law out performs the traditional practice of law, and probably mediation as well. Collaborative Family Law has incorporated healing into their model. Collaborative Family Law is a healing profession.
From its inception in 1990 it has attracted the best and brightest professionals in the fields of law, finance and mental health disciplines. The protocols created continue to evolve to place the children at the center of the process but never in the middle. The protocols support the couple in gathering, valuing and explaining all relevant financial documents and information. These standards provide actual professional assessment of the children’s needs, strengths and vulnerabilities, and then focuses upon supporting each parent to be the best parent possible for their children. At every step throughout the process the parties are called to operate from their highest functioning selves in co-creating a resolution that best meets each parties and prepares them for life after their divorce. The process supports finding the best solutions for each party.
To find out more about how this dynamic technology can best work for you, contact any collaborative professional.
